and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
