woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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