and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
