is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
