I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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