You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
