After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hippo gnu deer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
