I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
