Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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