This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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