Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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