The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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