Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
