In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
