You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize