i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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