He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
