The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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