How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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