doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
