dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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