like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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