I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
