god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Damn victory sex feels great
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