Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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