he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
