ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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