btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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