I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
