dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we're making bets on your personal life
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Boobs speak an international language.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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