i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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