and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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