sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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