I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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