How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
