I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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