How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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