I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
