I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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