if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
PANTIES FOUND
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
