you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
