I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
