Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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