i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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