Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
