Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
