I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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