I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
