I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
