I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
