I haven't been this sober since birth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
