dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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