He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
