Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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