I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
