my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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