Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
