I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His hands were made for my vagina.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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