McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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