dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize