So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
