I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
