I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
