I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
