Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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