you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
