I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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