Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
