He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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