I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize