My brain says no but my pants say off.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
