my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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