Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
