sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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