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I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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