guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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