mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
