you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You need Xanax blowdarts
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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