i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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