just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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